She told me to QUIT!

We weren’t just like any best friends, she was a part of me. She told me my fears and we dealt with each one accordingly; from self-doubt, to self-esteem, to my true self identity. There was never a time she told me I couldn’t do any project regardless of how big it seemed to me. She’d say, “You’re scared of being snubbed right? You’re scared of making a mistake right? If you don’t try, you just might regret not taking a step”.

She was the most optimistic person I ever met. “What went wrong? When did she suddenly become such a pessimist? Why won’t she think I can do anything anymore? What happened to all the reassurance she gave to me in my darkest moments?” I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

It all started when people began to expect just so much from me – “You’re so good at drawing, you should become an artist”, “Oh! You’re so good at hairdressing, you should become a stylist”, “You write so well, you should be an author”, “You sing so well, why don’t you fuel your passion in music?”.

And there was one…

“You do plenty things, but what exactly are you even good at?”.

I spoke with her about all of these, and she said “What if truly, you aren’t good at anyone? You’re not a professional artist, or stylist, or writer, or musician” and for the first time in such a long time, she didn’t tell me they were all just fears that we had to deal with, she didn’t tell me it was just in my head, she didn’t reassure me of how amazingly wonderful I am.

It was a gloomy night with a rush of breeze, I sat in the cold, the breeze brushing my skin, it felt like the world had crumbled on me. I said softly to her, “So what do you think I should do?”, she said in a croaky voice, “I think you should just QUIT. Take a break, it’s was probably never worth it after all”. Then I realized, THAT’S MY VOICE!

Oh my God! That was exactly my voice, but a suffocating version of my voice. Yes! It’s was my Critical Inner Voice(CIV).

I realized that I allowed what people said, get to me so much that I actually stopped doing any of the things I loved doing. I quit drawing, singing, hair styling, and what I can refer to as my alma mater, WRITING! And that has been the reason for my absence here.

She was never a threat

For the longest time, my inner critic was never a threat to me, so I was determined not to make her one. All she did was communicate an underlying fear to me although, she wasn’t nice about it sometimes. It’s true, I’m not a professional in all these skills, but I really don’t need to. I told her, “I’m taking the break to choose one of these skills and build on it, till I become a professional at it”.

You can already guess what I chose right? Yes! Absolutely. Writing has always been a free flow, I never had to force myself to come up with articles, essays and posts, so it’s only logical that I nurture this skill.

So far, so good! We are cool now.

The inner critic never leaves us, so the earlier you stop seeing it as a threat, the better it is for you. Just listen carefully to those fears you have, and deal with them one after the other. You’d be surprised that the CIV speaks absolutely out of fear and concern.

If you found this post helpful in anyway, please share to someone else. I’d mean a lot to me.

Love,

Praizey.

Ever gorgeous 🙂

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